This will make you laugh!!!

Another very addictive game, try to put out all the coloured lights with your flash light.

Boomshine

AFP - Monday, August 20 08:50 pm

EDINBURGH (AFP) - A dwarf performer at the Edinburgh fringe festival had to be rushed to hospital after his penis got stuck to a vacuum cleaner during an act that went horribly awry.

Daniel Blackner, or “Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf”, was due to perform at the Circus of Horrors at the festival known for its oddball, offbeat performances.

The main part of his act saw him appear on stage with a vacuum cleaner attached to his member through a special attachment.

The attachment broke before the performance and Blackner tried to fix it using extra-strong glue, but unfortunately only let it dry for 20 seconds instead of the 20 minutes required.

He then joined it directly to his organ. The end result? A solid attachment, laughter, mortification and … hospitalisation.

“It was the most embarrassing moment of my life when I got wheeled into a packed AE with a vacuum attached to me,” Blackner said.

“I just wished the ground could swallow me up. Luckily, they saw me quickly so the embarrassment was short-lived.”

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife
dressed in a very sexy nightie. “Tie me up,” she purred, “and
you can do anything you want.”

So he tied her up and went golfing.

**************************************************

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and
ran into the house.
She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs,
“Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!”

The husband said, “Oh my God! What should I
pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?”
“Doesn’t matter,” she said. “Just get out.”

**************************************************

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right,
and the other is a husband.

**************************************************

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver’s
license.
First,
of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician
showed him a card with the letters:
‘C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.’

“Can you read this?” the optician asked..

“Read it?” the Polish guy replied, “I know the guy.”

**************************************************

Mother Superior
called all the nuns together and said to them,

“I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in
the convent.”

“Thank God,” said an elderly nun at the back. “I’m so tired of
chardonnay.”

**************************************************

1 Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the
speed of light went back in time and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying
over the Pacific Ocean.

2 Crop circles are Chuck Norris way of telling the world that sometimes corn
needs to lie the fuck down.

3 Chuck Norris is ten feet tall weighs two-tons breathes fire and could eat a
hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

4 The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It
failed miserably.

5 Contrary to popular belief Chuck Norris not the box jellyfish of northern
Australia is the most venomous creature on earth.

Within 3 minutes of being bitten a human being experiences the
following symptoms: fever blurred vision beard rash tightness of the jeans and
the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

6 Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72… and they’re
all poisonous.

7 If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is he always says “Two seconds till.”
After you ask “Two seconds till what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

8 Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

9 When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes he sends blank forms and includes only a
picture of himself crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay
taxes ever.

10 The quickest way to a mans heart is with Chuck Norris fist.

11 Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chickens famous secret recipe with
eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.

12 CNN was originally created as the “Chuck Norris Network” to update Americans
with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.

13 Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

14 There is no theory of evolution just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows
to live.

15 Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45
minutes having sex with his waitress.

16 What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris victims before they
died? His shoe.

17 Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

18 Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11…. a suicide.

19 Chuck Norris doesn’t churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the
butter comes straight out.

20 Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes he disembowels them.

21 A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped
people. It is actually in fact a warning that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris
and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

22 Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the
Magnolia.

23 Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called
Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.

24 If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble you win. Forever.

25 Chuck Norris originally appeared in the “Street Fighter II” video game but
was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse
kick. When asked bout this “glitch” Norris replied “That’s no glitch.”

26 Fool me once shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will fuck you up.

27 The opening scene of the movie “Saving Private Ryan” is loosely based on
games of dodge ball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

28 Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger by yelling
“Bang!”

29 Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On
July 19th 1999 a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earths atmosphere streaking
over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA
publicly claimed it was a meteor and still owes him a beer.

30 Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

31 Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren’t the best
way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake
anyone has ever made.

32 Contrary to popular belief America is not a democracy it is a Chucktatorship.

33 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once
swallowed a turtle whole and when he crapped it out the turtle was six feet tall
and had learned karate.

34 Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

35 Faster than a speeding bullet … more powerful than a locomotive … able to
leap tall buildings in a single bound… yes these are some of Chuck Norris’s
warm-up exercises.

36 Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty
principle — you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will
roundhouse-kick you in the face.

37 In the Bible Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that
wine into beer.

38 Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades
from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell “What
The Fuck was That?”

39 Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

40 Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple
universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it
was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked
him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.

41 Chuck Norris doesn’t shower he only takes blood baths.

42 The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4
because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the
world in one turn.

43 In an average living room there are 1242 objects Chuck Norris could use to
kill you including the room itself.

44 According to the Encyclopaedia Britannica the Native American “Trail of
Tears” has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.

45 Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.

46 Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American
Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the
face.

47 When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood he declines the syringe and instead
requests a hand gun and a bucket.

48 There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.

49 Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a “Who has more testicles?”
contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

50 Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard
which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged
by the preference that Jesus showed to Chucks gift and arranged to have him
written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious
roundhouse-kick related injuries.

51 Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.

52 When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers he doesn’t get charged. He holds up the
phone and money falls out.

53 Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there
was a stripper in it.

54 Some people like to eat frogs legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs.
Hence snakes.

55 There are no races only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to
different shades of black and blue.

56 When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonalds because it was
10:35 he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendys.

57 Chuck Norris cant finish a “colour by numbers” because his markers are filled
with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately all blood is dark red.

58 A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution
in 16 states.

59 When Chuck Norris falls in water Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet. Water gets
Chuck Norris.

60 Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is
roughly equal to 1CNRhK Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)

61 Chuck Norris’ house has no doors only walls that he walks through.

62 When Chuck Norris has sex with a man it wont be because he is gay. It will be
because he has run out of women.

63 How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris?
…All of it.

64 Chuck Norris doesn’t actually write books the words assemble themselves
out of fear.

65 In honour of Chuck Norris all McDonalds in Texas have an even larger size
than the super-size. When ordering just ask to be “Norrisized”.

66 Chuck Norris <b>CAN</b> believe its not butter.

67 If tapped a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of
Australia for 44 minutes.

68 Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

69 The grass is always greener on the other side unless Chuck Norris has been
there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

70 A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion
words.

71 Newton’s Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action there
is an equal and opposite reaction there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck
Norris roundhouse kick.

72 Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. Its called Chuck-Will-Kill.

73 When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France the French
surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

74 While urinating Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.

75 Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it
became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his
autobiography.

76 When Chuck Norris talks everybody listens. And dies.

77 When Steven Seagal kills a ninja he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris
kills a ninja he uses every part.

78 Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20000 women in his
lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this “a slow Tuesday.”

79 Contrary to popular belief there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go
around.

80 Chuck Norris doesn’t shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing
that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

81 For some the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris
each testicle is larger than the other one.

82 Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.

83 When taking the SAT write “Chuck Norris” for every answer. You will score
over 8000.

84 Chuck Norris invented black. In fact he invented the entire spectrum of
visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

85 When you’re Chuck Norris anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse
kick to the face.

86 Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983
World Series of Poker despite holding only a Joker a Get out of Jail Free
Monopoly card a 2 of clubs 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

87 On his birthday Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown
into the sun.

88 Nobody doesn’t like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.

89 Chuck Norris doesn’t throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws
down!

90 In the beginning there was nothing…then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked
that nothing in the face and said “Get a job”. That is the story of the
universe.

91 Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.

92 Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his
own rage.

93 Archaeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year
1236. It defined “victim” as “one who has encountered Chuck Norris”

94 Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King and got one.

95 Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed
as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

96 If you Google search “Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked” you will
generate zero results. It just doesn’t happen.

97 Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.

98 Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section
when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his mothers womb.

99 Chuck Norris doesn’t bowl strikes he just knocks down one pin and the
other nine faint.

100 The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island
with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors and nobody is brave enough to go to
the island to retrieve the footage.

101 It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

102 You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real
life? In actuality if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and
kill you.

103 Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life… unless it
gets in his way.

104 The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square until Chuck Norris
Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.

105 There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq Chuck Norris lives in
Oklahoma.

106 Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany.

107 When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area he doesn’t walk around people. He
walks through them.

108 Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him
blink.

109 James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However upon
reflection he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary so he
went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

110 Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

111 Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so
terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all
of its decedents now have white hair.

112 Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

113 It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile but only 2 to make him
destroy an orphanage.

114 Chuck Norris is responsible for Chinas over-population. He hosted a
Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1000 miles became pregnant
instantly.

115 Some people wear Superman pyjamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pyjamas.

116 Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news.
Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of
Pain.

117 Simply by pulling on both ends Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back
into coal.

118 When Chuck Norris does a push up he isn’t lifting himself up he is
pushing the Earth down.

119 Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle liquor sexual intercourse and
football– in that order.

120 A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is
caused by God pissing his pants.

121 Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough
to drop them with one round house kick to the face.

122 There is in fact an “I” in Norris but there is no “team”… not even close.

123 Scotty in Star Trek often says “Ye cannae change the laws of physics.”
This is untrue. Chuck Norris can change the laws of physics. With his fists.

124 An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don’t know
what that is but it sounds AWESOME.

125 Chuck Norris doesn’t stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs bed
frames and sidewalks.

126 Using his trademark roundhouse kick Chuck Norris once made a field goal
in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San
Diego.

127 Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don’t really kill people. They wipe out
their entire existence from the space-time continuum.

128 Chuck Norris does not own a stove oven or microwave because revenge
is a dish best served cold.

129 Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because “The Sum of All
Fears” is the name of Chuck Norris autobiography.

130 Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

131 Chuck Norris is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the
2008 Beijing Olympics even though Chuck Norris does not swim. This is because
when Chuck Norris enters the water the water gets out of his way and Chuck
Norris simply walks across the pool floor.

132 Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap but the world was too frightened to
beat a path to his door.

133 The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead
of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s
ass halfway through the first chapter.

134 Hellen Kellers favourite colour is Chuck Norris.

135 Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then he uses that
gunpowder to make a bullet which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky.
Some people refer to this as the “Circle of Life.”

136 If by some incredible space-time paradox Chuck Norris would ever fight
himself he would win. Period.

137 Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he
calls everything around you.

138 The crossing lights in Chuck Norris’s home town say “Die slowly” and “die
quickly”. They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a
pedestrian.

139 Science Fact: Roundhouse kicks are comprised primarily of an element
called Chucktanium.

140 The Sherman tank was originally called the Norris tank until Chuck Norris
decided it wasn’t tough enough to be associated with him. The Army for fear of
Chuck Norris renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of
his name. To date no weapon created has been badass enough to be named after
Chuck Norris.

141 Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren’t before
his first space expedition.

142 Superman once watched an episode of Walker Texas Ranger. He then cried
himself to sleep.

143 Chuck Norris doesn’t step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.

144 The movie “Delta Force” was extremely hard to make because Chuck had to
downplay his abilities. The first few cuts were completely unbelievable.

145 Movie trivia: The movie “Invasion U.S.A.” is in fact a documentary.

146 Chuck Norris does not “style” his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of
sheer terror.

147 There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold so he
turned the sun up.

148 A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: \r\n
1:Heart disease \r\n 2:Chuck Norris \r\n 3:Cancer

149 Its widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris stunt double for
crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck
Norris skin.

150 Chuck Norris did in fact build Rome in a day.

151 Along with his black belt Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes.
No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.

152 Anytime someone is elected president in the United States they must ask
permission from Chuck Norris to live in the White House. The reason for this is
because Chuck Norris had won every Federal State and Local election since 1777.
He just allows others to run the country in his place.

153 Once you go Norris you are physically unable to go back.

154 Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they
grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.

155 Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire
in his Whopper Jr insisting that that actually is “his” way.

156 The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick?
No one knows because dead men tell no tales.

157 Chuck Norris doesn’t play god. Playing is for children.

158 As a teen Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in
the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami
Dolphins the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.

159 Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually
<b>email</b> a roundhouse kick.

160 Chuck Norris won super bowls VII and VIII single-handedly before
unexpectedly retiring to pursue a career in ass-kicking.

161 Wo hu cang long. The translation from Mandarin Chinese reads:
“Crouching Chuck Hidden Norris”

162 Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

163 Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg.

164 Icy-Hot is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout Chuck Norris rubs
his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.

165 Chuck Norris cannot love he can only not kill.

166 When Chuck Norris was a baby he didn’t suck his mothers breast. His
mother served him whiskey straight out of the bottle.

167 According to Einstein’s theory of relativity Chuck Norris can actually
roundhouse kick you yesterday.

168 Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered
three men through the heart with it.

169 In an act of great philanthropy Chuck made a generous donation to the
American Cancer Society. He donated 6000 dead bodies for scientific research.

170 Chuck Norris’ favourite cut of meat is the roundhouse.

171 When J. Robert Oppenheimer said “I am become death the destroyer Of
worlds” He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck
Norris Halloween costume he was wearing.

172 Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned
beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

173 In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their
virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.

174 Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse
kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass don’t be offended or hurt
he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

175 Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fools fucking head off.

176 Chuck Norris has never been accused of murder for the simple fact that
his roundhouse kicks are recognized world-wide as “acts of God.”

177 Chuck Norris has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture; he
will spend his time fighting the Anti-Christ.

178 They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Cluedo but the
answer always turns out to be “Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse
Kick.”

179 Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable
thumb. On his penis.

180 A man once taunted Chuck Norris with a bag of Lays potato chips saying
“Betcha cant eat just one!” Chuck Norris proceeded to eat the chips the bag and
the man in one deft move.

181 Chuck Norris favourite cereal is Kellogg’s Nails N Gravel.

182 If at first you don’t succeed you’re not Chuck Norris.

183 If Chuck Norris were a calendar every month would be named Chucktober and
every day he would kick your ass.

184 Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect
hope as in “I hope I don’t get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris.” Too late
asshole.

185 Chuck Norris show is called Walker: Texas Ranger because Chuck Norris
doesn’t run.

186 MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips but Chuck
Norris can roundhouse-kick his head through a wall and take it.

187 Behind every successful man there is a woman. Behind every dead man there
is Chuck Norris.

188 What’s known as the UFC or Ultimate Fighting Championship doesn’t use its
full name which happens to be “Ultimate Fighting Championship
Non-Chuck-Norris-Division”.

189 Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings industrial
paint remover and wood-grain alcohol.

190 The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris age is to cut him in half and
count the rings.

191 There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it
does exist and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.

192 Most boots are made for walking. Chuck Norris boots aint that merciful.

193 The US did not boycott the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow due to
political reasons: Chuck Norris killed the entire US team with a single
round-house kick during TaeKwonDo practice.

194 Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

195 When the movie Pulp Fiction was filmed they had to borrow Chuck Norris’s
wallet… Its the one that says “Bad Mother Fucker” on it

196 The Bible was originally titled “Chuck Norris and Friends”

197 Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to make
his day-to-day opponents less laughably pathetic.

198 Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavours? Because Chuck Norris
doesn’t like Fudge Ripple.

199 When Chuck Norris says “More cowbell” he fucking MEANS it.

200 On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb back
to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered the lamb sprang
to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it killing it instantly. This was
just to prove that the good Chuck giveth and the good Chuck he taketh away.

201 Chuck Norris was what Willis was talking about.

202 Google wont search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don’t find Chuck
Norris he finds you.

203 Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

204 Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a
plane and punched the ground.

205 It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal
father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered
himself.

206 Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because Chuck Norris only
recognizes the element of surprise.

207 It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That’s true
if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.

208 Chuck Norris shot the sheriff but he round house kicked the deputy.

209 That’s not Chuck Norris doing push-ups — that’s Chuck Norris moving the
Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.

210 Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.

211 Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole except for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.

212 Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn’t have nearly enough
balls.

213 Q: How many Chuck Norris does it take to change a light bulb? A: None
Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.

214 As President Roosevelt said: “We have nothing to fear but fear itself.
And Chuck Norris.”

215 Chuck Norris just says “no” to drugs. If he said “yes” it would collapse
Colombias infrastructure.

216 Since 1940 the year Chuck Norris was born roundhouse-kick related deaths
have increased 13000 percent.

217 Crime does not pay - unless you are an undertaker following Walker Texas
Ranger on a routine patrol.

218 Chuck Norris invented the internet… just so he had a place to store his
porn.

219 Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people
move.

220 It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck
Norris roundhouse kick.

221 Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray
Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.

222 Industrial logging isn’t the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs
toothpicks.

223 Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking… because the Rock is Chuck
Norris personal chef.

224 When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera
or dysentery but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon
since he carries the oxen axels and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it
to Oregon before you.

225 Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

226 “Brokeback Mountain” is not just a movie. Its also what Chuck Norris
calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.

227 When God said “let there be light” Chuck Norris said “say please.”

228 Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from
Chuck Norris fists is inside his own body.

229 One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection.
There were no survivors.

230 Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK
assassination. As Oswald shot Chuck met all three bullets with his beard
deflecting them. JFKs head exploded out of sheer amazement.

231 Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the
information he wants.

232 Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of
the dark but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

233 Chuck Norris is not capable of hitting a target on the broad side of a
barn. Every time he tries the whole damn barn falls down.

234 Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger Chuck Norris is injected with
fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilizer. This is of course to
limit his strength and mobility in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the
actors he fights.

235 When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad
he turns into Chuck Norris.

236 Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks “You want fries with that” because by
now everyone should know that Chuck doesn’t ever want fries with anything. Ever.

237 Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known
today as Giraffes.

238 Sticks and stones may break your bones but a Chuck Norris glare will
liquefy your kidneys.

239 Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned then it
would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck
Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the
universe.

240 Chuck Norris once went skydiving but promised never to do it again. One
Grand Canyon is enough.

241 In the first Jurassic Park movie the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn’t chasing the
jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.

242 Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis
were killing people.

243 According to the Bible God created the universe in six days. Before that
Chuck Norris created God by snapping his fingers.

244 Chuck Norris doesn’t say “whos your daddy” because he knows the answer.

245 Chuck Norris’s version of a “chocolate milkshake” is a raw porterhouse
wrapped around ten Hershey bars and doused in diesel fuel.

246 If Chuck Norris round-house kicks you, you will die. If Chuck Norris
misses you with the round-house kick the wind behind the kick will tear out your
pancreas.

247 In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader the winner would be Chuck
Norris.

248 Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time just like the rest of
us. The only difference is then he fucking kills people.

249 Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.

250 Contrary to popular belief the Titanic didn’t hit an iceberg. The ship
was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the
backstroke across the Atlantic.

251 Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.

252 The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs.
Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No
one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.

253 Chuck Norris’ sperm is so badass he had sex with Nicole Kidman and 7
months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion.

254 Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.

255 Chuck Norris once shit blood - the blood of 11940 natives he had killed
and eaten.

256 Maslows theory of higher needs does not apply to Chuck Norris. He only
has two needs: killing people and finding people to kill.

257 The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you in which case
forget it buddy!

258 For most people home is where the heart is. For Chuck Norris home is
where he stores his collection of human skulls.

259 Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris
roundhouse kicks to the face. This is why it is so deadly to Superman.

260 Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a “hole.” Saddam was
roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas which sent him through
the earth stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.

261 Coroners refer to dead people as “ABCs”. Already Been Chucked.

262 Chuck Norris doesn’t look both ways before he crosses the street… he
just roundhouses any cars that get too close.

263 Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the
incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.

264 How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie
pop? Just one. From Chuck Norris.

265 Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch HE decides what time it is.

266 The phrase break a leg was originally coined by Chuck Norris’s co-stars
in Walker Texas Ranger as a good luck charm indicating that a broken leg might
be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case.

267 When chuck Norris does division there are no remainders.

268 If you rearrange the letters in “Chuck Norris” they also spell “Crush
Rock In”. The words “with his fists” are understood.

269 Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth because he will bite your
damn eyes off.

270 Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything
that is better than a fish and Chuck Norris will beat his ass and take it.

271 Chuck Norris used to play baseball. When Babe Ruth was hailed as the
better player Chuck Norris killed him with a baseball bat to the throat. Lou
Gehrig got off easy.

272 The original title for Star Wars was “Skywalker: Texas Ranger”. Starring
Chuck Norris.

273 Guantuanamo Bay Cuba is the military code-word for “Chuck Norris
basement”.

274 The phrase balls to the wall was originally conceived to describe Chuck
Norris entering any building smaller than an aircraft hangar.

275 Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful it can be seen from outer
space by the naked eye.

276 Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads
off of Siberian Tigers.

277 He who lives by the sword dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris
dies by the roundhouse kick.

278 The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid
plans of Chuck Norris come off without a hitch.

279 The phrase dead ringer refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in
a movie theatre and forgets to turn their cell phone off.

280 Chuck Norris Roundhouse kick is so powerful that on the set of Sidekicks
he single-footedly destroyed Jonathan Brandis Career.

281 Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye
protection will cause blindness and possibly foot sized bruises on the face.

282 Chuck Norris can taste lies.

283 Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact Chuck Norris kicks
ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the
billions.

284 One time Chuck Norris accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the
entire state of Ohio.

285 Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked
her into a glacier.

286 In 1990 Chuck Norris founded the non-profit organization “Kick Drugs Out
of America”. If the organizations name were “Roundhouse Kick Drugs out of
America” there wouldn’t be any drugs in the Western Hemisphere. Anywhere.

287 Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.

288 They had to edit the first ending of Lone Wolf McQuade after Chuck Norris
kicked David Carradines ass then proceeded to barbecue and eat him.

289 Chuck Norris does in fact live in a round house.

290 Chuck Norris was once on Jeopardy. This show is notable in that it was
the first occasion in Jeopardy history that Alex Trebek had appeared without a
moustache. And a head.

291 When Chuck Norris works out on the Total Gym the Total Gym feels like its
been raped.

292 4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most
problems. Also 80% of doctors die unexplained needlessly brutal deaths.

293 Chuck Norris can skeletize a cow in two minutes.

294 The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to
work for the IRS they’ll be the same thing.

295 Chuck Norris first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.

296 With the rising cost of gasoline Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about
his drinking habit.

297 The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck
Norris the result is death.

298 Chuck Norris testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white
ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy.

299 To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.

300 Chuck Norris has never been in a fight ever. Do you call one roundhouse
kick to the face a fight?

301 There are two types of people in the world… people that suck and Chuck
Norris.

302 Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of
fear.

303 If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm
would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory since come on who in their
right mind would try this?

304 70% of a humans weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris weight is his dick.

305 Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris ass. He was then awakened
from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face.

306 The pie scene in “American Pie” is based on a dare Chuck Norris took when
he was younger. However in Chuck Norris case the “pie” was the molten crater of
an active volcano.

307 Chuck Norris uses 8×10 sheets of plywood as toilet paper.

308 Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself in
the Atlantic Ocean.

309 Chuck Norris once invited all of the other badasses from TV to duke it
out in order to see who was the supreme badass. Only two showed up– Jack Bauer
and MacGyver. MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and
Gatorade but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver
promptly threw up his own heart. Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge
of torture techniques but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain. Chuck
Norris then ripped off Jack Bauers arm and beat him to death with it. Game set
match.

310 Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to
kill the cow.

311 The Second Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be
created nor destroyed… unless it meets Chuck Norris.

312 Chuck Norris doesn’t go on the internet he has every internet site stored
in his memory. He refreshes WebPages by blinking.

313 Fact: Chuck Norris doesn’t consider it sex if the woman survives.

314 It is said that looking into Chuck Norris eyes will reveal your future.
Unfortunately everybody’s future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick
to the face.

315 Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the
definition of mercy.

316 Scientifically speaking it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with
“obstruction of justice.” This is because even Chuck Norris cannot be in two
places at the same time.

317 Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they are always slick with
blood.

318 When you say “no ones perfect” Chuck Norris takes this as a personal
insult.

319 Chuck Norris can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with one roll of the dice
and without answering a single question… just a nod of the head and a stroke
of the beard.

320 182000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year.

321 Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors and scissors beats paper but Chuck
Norris beats all 3 at the same time.

322 Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.

323 All roads lead to Chuck Norris. And by the transitive property a
roundhouse kick to the face.

324 If you’re driving down the road and you think Chuck Norris just cut you
off you better thank your lucky stars it wasn’t the other way around.

325 July 4th is Independence day. And the day Chuck Norris was born.
Coincidence? I think not.

326 Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable.
His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.

327 In the medical community death is referred to as “Chuck Norris Disease”

328 Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight and the knife lost.

329 If you work in an office with Chuck Norris don’t ask him for his
three-hole-punch.

330 In the Words of Julius Caesar “Veni Vidi Vici Chuck Norris”. Translation:
I came I saw and I was roundhouse-kicked in the face by Chuck Norris.

331 The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris.

332 Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you’re
thinking to yourself “But Chuck Norris isn’t black” then you are dead wrong. And
stop being a racist.

333 When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly it affects the actual world economy.

334 Chuck Norris can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But only
Chuck Norris is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he roundhouse kicks the
Playstation back to Japan.

335 Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

336 Every time someone uses the word “intense” Chuck Norris always replies
“you know what else is intense?” followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.

337 As an infant Chuck Norris parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the
world Stonehenge.

338 Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it
was told.

339 Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him “a promising
Rookie”.

340 There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds and Chuck
Norris.

341 President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried
his the same distance in half the time.

342 Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.

343 What many people don’t know is chuck Norris is the founder of planned
parenthood. Not even unborn children can escape his wrath.

344 Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bull riding after a 1992
exhibition in San Antonio when he rode the bull 1346 miles from Texas to
Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.

345 Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500
without a car.

346 Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds half
wood-grain alcohol.

347 Chuck Norris uses Tabasco sauce instead of visine.

348 The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are
also Chuck Norris initials. This is not a coincidence.

349 Chuck Norris credit cards have no limit. Last weekend he maxed them out.

350 Think of a hot woman. Chuck Norris did her.

351 A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his ass twice but it was promptly
dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.

352 Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

353 Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the
southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavoured ice cream and Hot Pockets.

354 Chuck Norris doesn’t chew gum. Chuck Norris chews tin foil.

355 Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that
Chuck Norris is on.

356 When in a bar you can order a drink called a “Chuck Norris”. It is also
known as a “Bloody Mary” if your name happens to be Mary.

357 Every time Chuck Norris smiles someone dies. Unless he smiles while he’s
roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.

358 Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze Chuck Norris asks for a
body bag.

359 There’s an order to the universe: space time Chuck Norris…. Just
kidding Chuck Norris is first.

360 A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is “Charles”. Chuck Norris
did not respond he simply stared at him until he exploded.

361 Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation
Instant Breakfast one dozen eggs pure Colombian cocaine and rattlesnake venom.
He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe.

362 In a tag team match Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King
Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.

363 Chuck Norris doesn’t see dead people. He makes people dead.

364 Chuck Norris is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE
Uzis: One in each hand one in each foot — and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks
into the air so that it sprays bullets.

365 For undercover police work Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his
shirt directly into his chest.

366 In the X-Men movies none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special
effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for every character.

367 We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from
Chuck Norris.

368 Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn’t find one. He walked to a
vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone
constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot drank it and then burned
the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames “always
leave things the way you found em!”

369 It is said that every time you masturbate God kills a kitten. Every time
God masturbates Chuck Norris kills a lion.

370 The word Kill was invented by Chuck Norris. Other words were Die Beer and
What.

371 Chuck Norris is a vegetarian. Meaning he does not eat animals until first
he puts them into vegetative state with his fists.

372 The 11th commandment is “Thou shalt not piss off Chuck Norris” This
commandment is rarely enforced as it is impossible to accomplish.

373 Chuck Norris is his own line at the DMV.

374 Two wrongs don’t make a right. Unless you’re Chuck Norris. Then two
wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face.

375 Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out… and then
roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile.

376 Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light.
This means that if you turn on a light switch you will be dead before the light
bulb turns on.

377 When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat he orders a whole chicken but he
only eats its soul.

378 Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized
Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil
who appreciates irony couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it
coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

379 Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting… because he’s
not acting.

380 If Chuck Norris wants your opinion hell beat it into you.

381 Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They
are called astronauts.

382 Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal
weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.

383 A movie scene depicting Chuck Norris losing a fight with Bruce Lee was
the product of histories most expensive visual effect. When adjusted for
inflation the effect cost more than the Gross National Product of Paraguay.

384 Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris first visit to Tokyo.

385 They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper but there was a problem– It
wouldn’t take shit from anybody.

386 Chuck Norris once rode a nine foot grizzly bear through an automatic car
wash instead of taking a shower.

387 “Sweating bullets” is literally what happens when Chuck Norris gets too
hot.

388 Chuck Norris sperm can be seen with the naked eye. Each one is the size
of a quarter.

389 After taking a steroids test doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had
tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information and said “of course
my urine tested positive what do you think they make steroids from?”

390 Chuck Norris doesn’t daydream. He’s too busy giving other people
nightmares.

391 When Arnold says the line “Ill be back” in the first Terminator movie it
is implied that is he is going to ask Chuck Norris for help.

392 There are no such things as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer
parks.

393 Chuck Norris Penis is a third degree black belt and an honourable
32nd-degree mason.

394 Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends they follow him. But then he
turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris.

395 The phrase break a leg was originally coined by Chuck Norris’s co-stars
in Walker Texas Ranger as a good luck charm indicating that a broken leg might
be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case.

396 Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful it can be seen from outer
space by the naked eye.

397 Diamonds are not despite popular belief carbon. They are in fact Chuck
Norris faecal matter. This was proven a recently when scientific analysis
revealed what appeared to be Jean-Claude Van Damme bone fragments inside the
Hope Diamond.

398 Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.

399 The Drummer for Def Leppards only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back
scratcher.

400 Chuck Norris was the original sculptor of Mount Rushmore. He completed
the entire project using only a bottle opener and a drywall trowel.

401 Chuck Norris once rode a bull and nine months later it had a calf.

402 Chuck Norris once lost the remote but maintained control of the TV by
yelling at it in between bites of his “Filet of Child” sandwich.

403 For Spring Break 05 Chuck Norris drove to Madagascar riding a chariot
pulled by two electric eels.

404 The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons it was
meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick. They
didn’t even come close.

405 Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota.

406 Divide Chuck Norris by zero and you will in fact get one……..one
bad-ass motherfucker that is.

407 TNT was originally developed by Chuck Norris to cure indigestion.

408 After returning from World War 2 unscathed Bob Dole was congratulated by
Chuck Norris with a handshake. The rest is history.

409 Chuck Norris runs on batteries. Specifically Die Hards.

410 “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor” was originally written as Chuck Norris
theme song.

411 Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t nearly
foolish enough to attack him.

412 Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.

413 When Chuck Norris makes a burrito its main ingredient is real toes.

414 Chuck Norris is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his
victims.

415 In the movie “The Matrix” Chuck Norris is the Matrix. If you pay close
attention in the green “falling code” scenes you can make out the faint texture
of his beard.

416 Chuck Norris dick is so big it has its own dick and that dick is still
bigger than yours.

417 They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed the
cat. Every single one of them.

418 There is no such thing as a lesbian just a woman who has never met Chuck
Norris.

419 Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his
motives.

420 When Chuck Norris was born he immediately had sex with the first nurse he
saw. He was her first. She was his third. That afternoon.

421 One time at band camp Chuck Norris ate a percussionist

422 Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as
protection from Chuck Norris.

423 Chuck Norris originally wrote the first dictionary. The definition for
each word is as follows - A swift roundhouse kick to the face.

424 Love does not hurt. Chuck Norris does.

425 “Brokeback Mountain” is not just a movie. Its also what Chuck Norris
calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.

426 Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.

427 The pen is mightier than the sword but only if the pen is held by Chuck
Norris.

428 Chuck Norris doesn’t kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris kills
all birds with two stones. The ones in his pants.

429 Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.

430 Those aren’t credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger. It is actually
a list of fatalities that occurred during the making of the episode.

431 The air around Chuck Norris is always a balmy 78 degrees.

432 When Chuck Norris wants an egg he cracks open a chicken.

433 Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.

434 The term “Cleveland Steamer” got its name from Chuck Norris when he took
a dump while visiting the Rock and Roll Hall of fame and buried northern Ohio
under a glacier of faecal matter.

435 Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in ravioli. He stuffs a live turtle with
beef and smothers it in pigs blood.

436 Count from one to ten. That’s how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill
you…Fourty seven times.

437 The 1972 Miami Dolphins lost one game it was an exhibition game vs. Chuck
Norris and three seven year old girls.

438 Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.

Here are some free emoticons to keep your blog, im or forum posts looking dope. I have also put them in a zip file so that you can download them all in 1 go.

This has to one of the coolest things I have seen this year. It’s the Simpsons movie soundtrack in a ltd edition donut case, defiantly something for the mantel piece…